Web Analytics

Traveling With Family: The Terminal Journey Diary

“We must all face the choice between what is right and what is easy.”

As a travel writer, the word “terminal” immediately conjures up thoughts of airports and flight connections. When the word was used as an adjective in conjunction with “stage 4 colon cancer,” I thought of something very different.

I am traveling with my family. Not just my adorably gullible tank of a son, or my two imaginative girls who insist they will be doctors/gymnasts…my parents, too. At some in the transition from childhood to adulthood, your parents become this new version of Mom and Dad. Suddenly, you don’t fight with them about menial things like curfews and skirt lengths. You fight with them about Christmas dinners, family photo themes, and whether or not your kids need  candy before dinner.

It’s all a shift, and most people respond to my plans with questions and astonishment when I tell them I’m taking my parents to Florida with us. It’s not a crazy idea, but for my family it can be. It’s a complicated relationship that has endured many patches of insanity, as most families encounter. (Don’t even get me started on Mother’s Day 2010.) But things have changed…changed in a way I never thought possible, because, despite that shift I mentioned before where your parents become something new in adulthood, I will always see them as indestructible beings who are immune to things like aging…or cancer.

cancer facts

Those childish beliefs were brought crashing down to a reality with that word  – “terminal.” No longer do I think of airports and adventure. I think of fighting with insurance, endless doctor trips, and exhaustive chemo treatments. I had encountered stage 4 cancer before. They gave my very dear friend and fellow in-law a grim diagnosis of a year to live. She is now happy, healthier, enjoying life nearly five years later, thanks to a supportive medical team and lifestyle changes. Each day, I hope for the same story for my father.

So, as I set forth on this adventure with mother and father, I will share the experience with this “Terminal Journal Diary.” Last family trip or one of several more, I hope to make memories with everyone. I hope my kids learn from it all. And I hope my stubborn parents (I had to get it from somewhere!) understand why we fight so hard with them now, in a new arena where we are on the same side.

1 – The Bully and the Beast

Upon discussing the idea – repeatedly – with my husband,  and secretly checking with my mother if my father could stomach a trip…it’s happening. I have, unashamedly but probably unfairly, used the trip to get my mother to take care of herself by promising to book tickets the second she has seen a doctor for a checkup. Did I bully her? Probably. Was it worth it? I hope so! Do I regret the underhandedness? NOPE.

2 – Merlin’s Pants!

My mother ran the idea of a trip to Florida to visit our favorite and common family passion – The Wizarding World of Harry Potter – by my father. Some dream of Mickey Mouse, which is excellent, but my family analyzes the details of the J.K. Rowling‘s books to slightly alarming level. We still debate theories to this day – nearly seven (the most magically powerful number) years later. The books bring us together, give us a common ground, and let us enjoy something together. I love Harry Potter beyond the brilliant story – it helps keep my family intact. Dad immediately called to discuss the idea and, my mother revealed, upon hanging up did a “little dance” with his excitement. It lifted my heart, and I hope he genuinely is excited.

i-will-find-you

3 – Richard Better Watch Out

It has been a few days, and my mom rang to inform me she has been to the doctor. I asked for a doctor’s note for proof. (Yes, its that kinda game.) The bullying to take care of herself aside, she informed me that dad’s appetite is back, and he has been eager to get out and do more. His spirits are lifted by the upcoming trip, and I couldn’t be happier, but it also revealed a darker side of his thoughts. My father had been counting down the days after a clueless doctor, who I’ve dubbed “Richard” and would personally like to kick in the gentleman’s department should he ever cross my path, told him he had a year to live. This doctor’s irresponsibility shocked me. My father was in the initial stages of diagnosis and had NOT had a PET scan, gotten his pathology results, or even met with the oncologist when Doctor Dick gave him this supported theory on his time frame. Pure rage doesn’t even begin to describe how I feel upon hearing this, but I focus on the fact my father is now counting down the days to vacation instead of the days he has left. I smile and move on, but for awhile, I tried to find Doctor Dick to give him a piece of my mind.

4 – You Say Potato…I Say

It’s been a few weeks now, and the tickets have been ordered, flights booked, and plans set. Now, we wait for departure. The initial excitement has worn down. While my father remains jazzed, I have discovered some concerning things. Perhaps it’s unfair to divulge this, but in the spirit of an honest and real diary account, I’m furious to learn my parents have been taking the recommendations of my father’s oncologist and bending them…and by bending them…I mean they appeared to be breaking them in half. Where I heard, “No red meat and limit sugar,” and “No tobacco use,” they heard something different. This topic became a growing concern, and I discussed it endlessly with my friend who is surviving with stage 4 breast cancer, my husband, and my sister. My friend stressed the importance of diet and movement during the chemo, explaining that cancer feeds on sugar and being sedentary will only increase the exhausted feeling that comes with chemo. The doctor underlined these points too. I didn’t expect the journey to be easy by any means, but the constant reports of eating biscuits and gravy, bread sticks at their favorite Italian place, and using smokeless tobacco infuriated me. The euphoria of family trip must be lost in the bottom of purse – where all things seem to disappear.

glass case of emotions

5 – Match in a Gas Tank…

I’ve mentioned the diet and tobacco use to both my parents. I’ve tried to eliminate cancer juice – soda – from their diet. Every argument I make is and every push toward a healthy path is countered with some flimsy excuse. For example, the oncologist reportedly told my dad he could have red meat twice a week, and now condoned the use of the tobacco. I’m stunned. My sister takes the issue to her giant heart and chaos ensues. “Why are we bothering with chemo if he’s not making any attempt to fight?” my sister pointed out. I don’t know what to do or say, agreeing with her, but finding the war was breaking everyone. Should I cancel the trip? Should we have a giant family chat? Should I run away to Florida by myself? I’m torn as my parents feel truly bullied, but I agree with most of the pleads for the lifestyle changes. Doubt creeps into my mind.

6 – Boom

After a few days of dealing with hurt feelings, PET scan results reveal the tumors are shrinking. It’s good news, but part of me wonders how much better the results could have been if my father stuck to the work of diet changes and quit the tobacco use. I decide to focus on the good. Enjoy the positive. Somewhere in the mess of things, I realized the only people who can change my mother and father – are my mother and father. I can push, plead, beg, yell, reason, scream, or cry all I want, but true change can only happen when someone accepts that things need to change – no matter how much you don’t want them to or how easier it is to make excuses. I look at this trip as a moment to break away from cancer, family issues, hurt feelings, and anger. It’s never easy. Anything worth having and fighting for, is rarely easy. Some will choose not to fight, not to make the journey, and that’s what they will have to live with. Because, as Dumbledore says, “We must all face the choice between what is right and what is easy.”

anger

7 – The Final Countdown

We are just a few days away from leaving the wind-plagued city to visit sunny Florida. My sister is still dealing with some hard truths and painful realizations. I feel for her, but I think at this point she is starting to accept things will never be the way you so desperately want them to be. Things will never go smoothly all the time, or happen when you want them to. This trip, I hope, will be a refresh that we all need. I still harbor doubt, deep down inside, but I refuse to let fears wipe out a chance at happiness and memories.

Stay tuned for more on the details of the Traveling With Family: The Terminal Journey Diary or follow me @HollywoodDame on Twitter for instant details, updates, and notes. Don’t forget to follow @TouristMTravel for all your travel needs, too!