Ease Separation Anxiety When Traveling Without Your Kids
I love and adore my kids and my kids love and (hopefully) adore me in return. However, that sweet idea of a parent getaway is so alluring! Heck, the idea of being able to use the restroom by myself is a treat.
That is, until the moment of departure arrives…the throng of sobbing, screaming or, even worse, the quiet and pained goodbye – it can be heartbreaking for both kids and parents.
Extended periods of time that range from a simple overnight getaway to a week long adventure can be stressful. Just like me, they tend to do well with structure and routine. When that is no longer the case it can feel overwhelming, but it can also be fun! In my research, I found some really great tips and tricks from real parents and even a therapist.
“I never say “goodbye,” I make sure I word everything truthfully, but gently for my kids. Instead of “goodbye hugs” we give “see you soon squeezes.” – Mother of 4 ages 6-12
*I loved this point. Children are very intuitive and we sometimes underestimate our words. I want to underline that the traveling mom doesn’t lie or portray the trip length inaccurately…just gently.
“I always try to work it out so that my kids leave for an adventure of their own the same time I do. Usually, Grandma and Grandpa will take them to the park, the zoo or some other fun activity after we give each other hugs. They go their way and we go ours. It gives all of us something to look forward to. Sometimes, our kids can’t wait to see us go!” Mother of 3 ages 2-10
*This is something I also employ. After the third trip, my kids were also excited to see me off. However, our behavioral expert stressed the importance of ensuring your child feels the closure of the separation. If your tot feels that you will be there when they get back from their trip – it can add to their stress and shake their trust by making them feel they didn’t have a proper goodbye. So, make sure your little ones understand that they will see you again in a few days before the head out on their adventure.
“I make a special calendar for the kids to cross off days until we return. I list special things the will get to do each day along with where we are. For instance, Monday – Apple Picking with Aunt Sue/Mom and Dad Wine Pairing Class, Tuesday – Bowling with Uncle Buck/Mom and Dad Nature Hike and so on.” Mother of 2 ages 4 and 7
*I tried this with out last cruise trip that left us apart for nearly a week. It gave my kids a sense of time and a count down. Plus, it relieved a lot of stress for the kids who were wondering what we were doing and if we were ok. My personal tip on this one – downplay what you will be up to! If you doing something that would appeal to your kids it might instill jealousy. For us, learning to surf was conveyed to our kids as “water conservation course.”
“Kissing Hands! I actually got the idea from the book ‘The Kissing Hand’ by Audrey Penn. The raccoon in the story feels anxious about going to school and leaving his mother. So, she gives him a special ‘kissing hand’ by giving his little palm a kiss that will stick with him all day. It doesn’t wash off and it doesn’t fade because love doesn’t wash off or fade. So, when he feels like he needs a kiss from his mother, he kisses his palm and feels her love. I do this with my kids on every trip and even when they are feeling anxious at night after a bad dream.” Cara Harrington, Mother of 3 ages 2-9
*Obviously this one is my tip. I find it gives my kids a special feeling and supports independence while still feeling loved. And, admittedly, my children give me kissing hands in return and when I am feeling anxious…I will sneak a kiss.
Overall, these tips can all be helpful, but the therapist underlines several “don’ts” that you should try to avoid.
*Don’t drag out the departure even if there are tears. It is easier for a child to have a quick and definite separation. Often, just like in school, children will settle in and accept the time apart before you leave the parking lot.
*Don’t wait to begin time apart. Waiting until your child is a certain age for separation is a repeated misstep. Begin as young as infancy. Start with the afternoon away and then build into longer periods of time. It is good for both you and your child.
*Don’t call or contact your child too often. Once a day is usually enough. If you are calling throughout the day repeatedly, it is not giving them space to solidify their independence and confidence. It also conveys a message that you are dependent on them.
What special techniques or tactics do you use? Please share in the comment section below.